There’s a history to films and a history to us. Sometimes it feels like the two are one and the same, but all good things… You know how it goes.
I don’t remember the first film I ever saw in the theatres, but I do remember the first film I watched with you. That’s unfair, actually. Mostly what I remember is whispered mockery, stifled giggles and being escorted out after we threw popcorn at the screen and it turned out Mandy Malone was as big a tattletale in the real world as she was in high school. Neither of us liked rom coms, turned out.
We did like the darkness, though. And action. When ‘First Blood’ came out we were first in line and last out, grinning and nudging each other, the loudest when discussing the action sequences.
When we did happen upon a dullard of a flick, it was always fifty-fifty who would start. Sometimes we’d try and hold back, giggling and almost-but-not quite touching until one of us gave in and I grabbed your hand as you grabbed mine. The moments of ghostly potential, hovering just above your skin, feeling your warmth. Those are what I remember, more than the movies to tell you the truth.
The dimness of the cinemas was our place, our moments of perfect time stolen from an imperfect world. Everything about it was fantasy and fantastical - the visuals, the music, your hand in mine - but when we left into the sticky August heat or the icy November winds, we were still real. Even as the years rolled by, the films changed, the snacks changed, the theatres changed but we stayed the same, tucked in the back row in the darkness, your warmth pressed close to me, our fingers intertwined.
I remember watching ‘Rambo: Last Blood’. Many things were familiar, comforting, and yet… It felt different. It was a lot of things - too many to name them all, but the biggest one had your name, your face. It felt heavy in my chest like cold, hard ground and an unforgiving stone settled firmly in the soil.
The lights rose, the credits washed out to a dull grey smear. I’d missed most of the movie, but I missed you more.
